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| Greyerbaby https://pixabay.com/en/boy-looking-fence-chain-link-young-529067/ |
(WARNING: Contains sensitive material.)
Personal Connection
Recently,
a close friend of mine confessed that her twenty-year old daughter had just told her that, while in middle school she'd been inappropriately touched by another girl her own
age.
When she was even younger, that same daughter also
had an older girl force herself on top of her and grope her genitals, during a
visit to a family friend's house.
When
asked why she hadn't told her mother about the incidents sooner, the daughter
had replied that, I was always warned to watch out for grown- ups who might
touch me inappropriately, or the white van with the stalker inside, or someone
trying to lore me in their car with a puppy.
During that same conversation, the
daughter had also admitted to being ashamed about the incidents and had blocked
them out.
When
I was teenager, I remember learning that one of my cousins had 'made a pass' at their younger sibling. I was appalled by the news. It shook me to my core. I
couldn't comprehend why anyone would do that to a loved one.
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| Janko Ferlic https://unsplash.com/photos/oWDRVgk04EA |
Like
my friend, I was stunned into sadness to hear her daughter's well-reasoned
argument for not alerting anyone of the assaults.
As adults, we constantly warn
our children to be wary of grown-ups who may sexually abuse them: never
conceiving that other children or siblings could be potential perpetrators. Our
naiveté on this subject stems from the lack of disclosure to the authorities
and the media, as well as our disbelief, that children are sexual beings
capable of such harmful actions.
Stop
It Now reports, that over a third of sexual abuse that occurs among
children is committed by a person under 18 years old.
Culture
of Safety states, that the younger the victim of the abuse is, the higher
the probability that the offender is a minor. These are disturbing statistics
that require our undivided attention.
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| Pin Me Please! |
Professional Connection
As
deplorable as it is to contemplate, sexual harm does indeed happen among
adolescents and very young children. Sadly, I have been a witness to such
events. One year in my kindergarten classroom, there were three sexual assaults
among the students.
The
first one occurred shortly after the start of the school year. While sitting at
a table, a little boy put his hand on the private part of the little girl
beside him. He refused to move his hand when she protested and tried to push it
off.
The
second one happened a month later, when another boy crawled under a table and
kissed a little girl's private part.
The
third one occurred closer to the end of the school year and was the worst. A
little boy, who was new to the class, forced a girl onto a shelf and lay on top
of her.
He put his hand down her underwear and wouldn't get off of her when she
asked. Another child intervened and pulled him off of the little girl.
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| Kat J https://unsplash.com/photos/NPmR0RblyhQ |
Needless
to say, I was troubled by each occurrence, but the third horrified me the most.
I was so heartsick by the episode; I took off the following day.
At such a
young age, I knew the boys couldn't appreciate the harmful consequences their
behaviors were causing their classmates. Still, I needed time to collect
myself, digest what had happened, and plan my lessons accordingly.
I
reported each incident to the school office and they were investigated by the
administration. The first two boys were placed in the other kindergarten room,
while the third remained in my classroom.
I
was extremely uncomfortable with the third child being so close to the boy who
had harmed her. I couldn't understand
why he was allowed to remain in my classroom, when the two other boys had been
promptly removed.
Apart
from my reporting the third incident and receiving a notification of the boy's
suspension, the school administration never communicated with me again about
the event. No plan of action was discussed; no follow up by the administration
regarding prevention and student safety.
The third boy stayed home for two
days, and after a meeting with the school counselor, he returned to class.
While
I was home, the office had handled the situation, and it appeared that all
parties involved were content with the outcome.
For my part, after dealing with
the three sexual assaults, and a host of other socially, emotionally challenged
students, I was too burnt out to pursue administration for their opinions. I did what I could through targeted
lessons on good touch, bad touch, and by separating the third boy from the
little girl.
Of course my
lethargy, didn't assuage my concerns.
I felt responsible. I had been present
for each episode. My assistant and I discovered the first two almost
immediately.
However, during the third episode, my assistant had left for the
day, and I was in the middle of a small group lesson on the other side of the
room. I kept telling myself, "It's difficult to watch over and instruct 30
kindergartners by yourself". The mantra didn't ease my conscience.
Often,
children who commit these harmful acts, have been victims of sexual assault
themselves, or have been regularly exposed to adult sexual activity or
pornography. In addition, these same children may have either experienced or
witnessed some form of physical or emotional abuse at home.
In
other cases, children are just exploring their curiosity about their bodies.
So,
how can you tell the difference between the two?
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| Chinh Le Duc https://unsplash.com/photos/TV1QYUtTxJ8 |
Distinguishing Between Sexual
Harm and Curiosity
Whether
it is innocent curiosity or a visceral response to mistreatment, a child who
performs a sexual action toward another child, can do serious harm.
One common
way children explore sexuality is through playing games like
"doctor". Once this expressive method is identified, it can be corrected
with a conversation about respecting another's privacy and keeping everyone
safe.
What is cause for alarm is when a child continues to display aggressive
behavior, after being corrected.
*Older
children spending a large amount of time with younger children.
*Maintaining
physical contact with another child who refuses the attention.
*Forcing
another child to have sexual intercourse.
*A
child speaking sexually to children or adults.
*Children
viewing child pornography.
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| cablemarder https://pixabay.com/en/teddy-soft-toy-funny-teddy-bear-2977694/ |
Awareness and Prevention
Sexual
harm among children is under reported, which in turn leaves children as
vulnerable targets, unprepared to handle uncomfortable and confusing
situations.
Instead of alerting an adult, the victimized child will often
internalize the incident, blaming himself for what happened.
If left untreated,
this feeling of self-guilt can lead to a lifelong pattern of depression,
self-harm, and drug abuse.
According
to Dr.
Gemma McKibbon, from the University of Melbourne, a proactive way to
prevent child-on-child sexual harm is to teach age-appropriate sex education
classes to elementary students, warning them that other children may hurt them
in this way.
Additional
strategies to help protect children from mistreatment are:
*Let
children know there are trusted adults with whom they can talk.
*Observe
how children engage with each other.
*Teach
children to be respectful toward themselves and others.
*Reach
out to organizations that specialize in child safety and welfare for
information to educate your entire family.
*Design
a safety program for your family and with your child's school. Parents Protect!
offers a downloadable family safety plan booklet at:
https://www.parentsprotect.co.uk/resources.htm.
*Be
vigilant. Images of violence and abuse are evident in video games, movies and
television shows. Curtail how much of this media your child views.
*Model
appropriate social and familial behaviors.
*Spend
quality time with your child and have meaningful conversations.
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| mintchipdesigns https://pixabay.com/en/boy-facepalm-child-youth-666803/ |
If
you suspect that your child or a child you know is harming other children get
help immediately. Stop It Now! is an organization experienced with these
behaviors.
You
can contact them at their national, toll-free line: 1-888-PREVENT
(1-888-773-8368).
How would you deal with this situation in your family or classroom?
